My Heavenly Soothsayer

Sometimes I want God to be my magic 8 ball.
I want a clear "yes to this, no to this".
I want to open up my Bible to a random page and have a verse pop out like a flashing neon sign where I can shout out, "THAT'S IT!"

And sometimes, God has worked liked that.

There have been times where circumstances clearly dictated direction, or the Lord's Spirit clearly led me to make a certain decision, or accept or reject particular happenings.
And, to be honest, I tend to prefer that.
It makes it so much easier when I can go, "this is obviously it" or "this is how a certain thing will play out". Even if I'm less than ecstatic with something, if I am convinced the Lord is orchestrating, it's sometimes easier to accept.
I feel more at peace that way.
I feel more confident and unshakable.

But sometimes, God doesn't spell it out for me.
In those cases, I go to God and say, "Ok, You're letting me decide. Fine. But at least tell me this then: what happens if I go with A and what happens if I go with B? If  I know how those scenarios will play out, I can make my choice even though You haven't clearly led me to pick either. And oh, what if there is option C as well?"

So...basically I want to know everything.

I wouldn't go to a fortune teller because that's "un-Christian", but I realized I often treat God like my Heavenly Soothsayer.
It may seem deceptively more respectable, but it's still wrong.
What of faith?
What of trust?
What of surrender?
What of the desire to know God and see Him glorified being of greater importance than having everything play out as I want it to, neatly packaged with a big red bow?
What of growth?

I was listening to a podcast that accompanies my current Bible study, and she commented that, as an infant, our Mom picks out our clothes, but if you were still asking her to at 16 she'd say, "Are we still here?"
And yet sometimes we're like that with God: still acting like infants when He wants us to grow.
I'm certainly not advocating being reckless. We should seek the Lord and ask for wisdom, certainly, and sometimes it comes down to God saying, "Ok, now it's time to implement what I've taught you instead of sitting there paralyzed while I do it for you."
The Lord is so gracious even in those times of paralysis and carries me when necessary, and even more gracious in that while He meets me in them, He wants to get those faith muscles back in working order.

I don't need to know the future - the future belongs to God.
And so do I.

A Genie, a Princess & a Street Rat

Oh Disney. You're great at making me feel all sorts of emotions. Recently I watched Aladdin and was dancing around the room to "Friend Like Me" and "Prince Ali" (even though my brother looked at me like I was nuts heh heh). Then the final scene came (shown above) and I watched it on repeat. I may have shed a tear. God can use even Disney movies to hit me with truth.

Genie wants Aladdin & Jasmine to be happy. He seeks their good even though it means Aladdin won't have a remaining wish to free Genie with. Of course Genie desires this for himself, but even greater than this desire is his love for his friend. He is willing to make a tremendous sacrifice so his friend can be with the girl he loves. Even more astoundingly, using that final wish for Aladdin to become a prince was Genie's own suggestion.
And at that suggestion, Aladdin immediately protests because he made a promise to Genie to free him, and also wishes his friend's happiness, even though it would mean he can never be with the girl he loves.

Love is not self-seeking. Love does not insist on its own way. Love means action, commitment and sacrifices. Love is rejoicing in another's blessings, and recognizing that it is a blessing in itself to be able to give to another.

When the world, and my own sinful heart scream out "look out for numero uno" (aka myself), here is God using a cartoon to whisper a different story to my heart.

I am called to love selflessly too. Am I at least willing? How often do we give of our time, energies, and lay down our desires for the good of another? What would change if I loved like that? What would change if we loved each other like that? How much thankfulness and joy and truth would characterize our lives?

Then the Lord reminded me that Jesus loves me like that. He loves me. It is so easy for me to forget. He loved me so much that He willingly became a sacrifice to reconcile me to God even though it cost Him dearly. That's an even greater display of love! When I remember that, it is then I am filled with gratitude, and from there I can love others, albeit imperfectly, with even a fraction of that love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil...

Philippians 2:3-8

 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus,  who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross

John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.

Voice of a Generation

It took a stranger to reveal my pride.

It was summertime & I was talking to someone about pastimes. Upon learning that I sing, the very first thing I was asked was, "So are you the voice of our generation?"

I was completely thrown off by the question. It was unexpected and I didn't know what to say. "What?" I asked. The question was restated and I still did not have an answer, but inwardly I revelled in the idea that someone thought that I could be a supreme talent. I knew it wasn't true, and yet I wanted to be thought highly of. Though I cannot remember my exact answer, I know that in that moment my words failed, my pride won, & I stammered out a response that I'm sure reeked of self-satisfaction attempting to disguise itself as humility.

It was dumb because it was God who gave me my voice in the first place.

It was dumb because I have lost it before and I know firsthand it's not something I can depend my life on.

It was dumb because it was God wants my voice to be used to give Him glory & not steal it for myself.

It was dumb because my worth is not found in the validation of man, but in the unconditional & undeserved love of Christ.

It was dumb because I know all this, and yet I still failed & will fail many times over before my life on earth is through (unless God takes me home right this moment). How patient & faithful the Lord is!

It's ironic because in my last blog post I touched on how your talent & worldly accomplishments don't mean much at the end of the day, but your relationship with Christ does.

"Are you the voice of our generation?"  Well, no, but I do have a voice, and I am part of a generation. So are you. What are we going to use our voices for?

John the Baptist was one voice. He used it to herald the coming of the Messiah & call people to repentance.

Esther was one voice. She put her life on the line & used her voice to to plead with the king on behalf of her Jewish people, who were scheduled to be murdered.

Paul was one voice. He used it on missionary journeys to share the gospel & instruct believers and his letters ended up being a significant portion of the New Testament.

There are myriads of examples to be found, but for the sake of brevity, we'll leave it there.

Now, if you're anything like I sometimes am, you may be looking to exclude yourself from something that could be difficult: "I'm not going to wear camel hair & eat locusts & honey. I don't have kings to appeal to, and I'm not called to write the Bible under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit...phew! This doesn't apply to me!"

Friends, no matter what, you have a sphere of influence. You have friends, coworkers, and family members who do not know the good news of Jesus Christ. And even if you were off on a desert island all by yourself and never spoke to another human being again, you still have a very powerful voice because it can be used to call on a powerful God. You can get on your knees & plead before the God of heaven for repentance & revival. You can pray for the persecuted church & millions who have never heard the name of Jesus. You can speak with the Creator of the universe. What it reaps is eternal. I'd say that's a darn good use of a voice.

Truth From a Conman

"You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays."

-Harold Hill ("The Music Man")

Harold Hill may be a conman (and a fictional character), but what he said is true.

You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you are left with a lot of empty yesterdays...

Yes, there are times to wait, but there are many times we simply procrastinate. Whether from laziness, fear, indifference, or some other reason, we push off things that should really happen today.

What are some things we postpone?

   

Reconciliation & restoration.      

Responsibility.

Quitting bad habits.

Looking after our physical well-being.

Serving in the church.

Loving those around us 

Witnessing

Etc.

And, most devastatingly: the Lord.

We do not know what will happen tomorrow. We do not know how long we will have breath in our bodies. Nor do we know how long we will have the chance to interact with those who are put in our lives.

Do we want to look back and say any of the following:

"I wish I had said I'm sorry."

"If only I spent time with them"

"Why didn't I listen?"

'Why didn't I speak?"

"Oh...wow! Umm wow...God, You are the first, last and everything in between and I gave You the same attention I give the lint screen in my dryer." (aka not very much)

And we pile up tomorrows until we have a bunch of empty yesterdays consumed by cell phones, social media, sports, television, and other modes of self-absorption and idolatry.

Not very significant in regards to positive world contribution. 
Even less significant in light of eternity.

But God gives abundant grace and that our time-wasting can change today. And if/when we fail, we can start again right away because of that same grace.

What are you postponing that you shouldn't?

For He says:

      “ In an acceptable time I have heard you,
And in the day of salvation I have helped you.
Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.
2 Corinthians 6:2

Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, making the most of the time.
Colossians 4:5

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.” But now you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. 

Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.

James 4:13-17

Lions & Tigers & Heirs....Oh My!

A whle ago, Mom & I went to went to a free zoo ("free" and "zoo" may be one of my favourite word combinations).
I was in awe of God, the brilliant Creator. I don't know what it is about animals, but they capture my attention and my heart and spur me to worship the One who made them.
I'm pretty sure I could have spent a couple hours watching a giraffe walk in circles. (If I were to assign a hashtag to that last sentance it might be: #thatsstrangebutImokwiththat)
From the humourous Kenya Crested Guineafowl (a bird with a mohawk!) to the resounding roar of the lion, no would could rightly accuse God of having no imagination.

And in the evening, He nudged me.
God's animals are very beautiful, but it was mankind that was the climax of His creation. It is mankind that was made in His image. It is the sins of man that Christ bore on Calvary. It is mankind from which God elected & adopted heirs. It is people that have souls. And do I marvel at this masterpiece of His? I cannot say that I do in the same way. We don't see those animals everyday, but we see people, so it becomes commonplace.

But it shouldn't.

Each individual uniquely reflects our Lord. Each individual desperately needs Him. And we are called to love.
But indeed, it's something I am only beginning to learn how to do.

What about you?
My prayer is that we would love people and see them as God loves and sees them.
Not just our family, or our best friend, or the person who has a lot of money, connections, or emotional validation to offer us in return, but the foe, the poor, and the difficult too.
May we have an eagerness to discover the ways individuals reflect their Maker, and the courage to find out.

Genesis 1:27

So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him;

male and female He created them.

Lessons Buttered Lime

Last night, when we had my Oma over for dinner, I made this lime butter for our veggies.Who would have thought that when I journalled later that night, I would end up meditating on it?

When you've tasted something you really like, more of you gets involved than just your tastebuds. When my Oma had the butter on her brussel sprouts, her enjoyment of it was written all over her face. She went "mmm". She told me it was delicious - more than once! She wanted more. That's similar to the reaction you'll get from me over Southwest Potato Skins from Boston Pizza. Mmmm! You've gotta taste this! Mmmm! (I wish BP would pay me in potato skins for my shameless promotion).You tell others when you've enjoyed something. You want them to share the enjoyment, but you can't do it for them. They must taste for themselves.

And that brings me to the verse I read that got me thinking about all this.

Oh taste and see that the LORD is good,

Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!

Psalm 34:8

Taste. It's one of the more intimate senses. It requires direct contact and is an internal and personal experience. Is our response to the Lord like my Oma's reaction to the butter or my response to the potato skins? (Really, our reaction should be exceedingly greater, because God is exceedingly greater than any perishable food item). How beautiful it is that God is not just some distant figure in the sky with a list of dos and do-nots. He wants us to know Him and enjoy Him!

And furthermore, when we have tasted of His goodness, we can see it too. Once we've tasted that the Lord is good personally, we can look at our circumstances and see God's hand at work. And even in the moments where we do not see His hand, we can trust that He is still there and up to something marvelous because we have tasted of His goodness and known Him. Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!

Christian friends, when was the last time 

     ...our delight in Him was written all over our faces?

     ...we told God more than once how good He is?

     ...we shared with someone about Jesus because we so wanted them to share in the joy?
Non-Christian friends, when was the last time you saw that in someone who indentified with the label "Christian"? I'm sorry if that has not been your typical experience and I pray you will come to know Christ as He really is and what life with Him is really like. Though Christ-followers are not perfect, and the road at times is hard, I want you to know that dullness is not real Christianity.

I want to be a woman who intimately knows Christ. One who can't hide how good He is and that others would see that something wonderful has happened and would want to taste for themselves. One that daily comes before the Lord just to be in His presence. One that can face the trials that will inevitably come because I have tasted His goodness and know I can trust Him. 

And what's lovely is that He wants us to know Him like that.

John 6:35

And Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life. 

He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst."

The Little Engine That Could...n't

The past few days, I have been having recurring feelings of inadequacy. Ever been there? Things you think you should know, but don't. Things you wish you could do, but can't. Why can't I be perfect and good at everything and be that way now? Ha...! Today there was an extremely simple and inconsequential matter that I could not immediately get the hang of, and rather than laugh about it, I fought back tears instead.
Where does that come from? I'm sure some of it's pride. Wanting to feel accomplished, maybe even a tad superior. This is wrong, I know.
I can be proud, stubborn, fearful & foolish.
I sometimes strive under the illusion that I, in my human-ness, have all the strength & qualifications I need to get by, and if I don't, I just need to believe in myself more and try harder.
But tonight God wasn't reminding me how ridiculous I can be.
What was He reminding me?

That He loves me.

He loves me not because of what I can do, or should do, or have done, or want to do.
He loves me not because of how I look, or where I've been, or who I know, or what others think of me.
He loves me. Unconditionally.

The God of the universe loves me because He is holy. He is Love. He knit me together in my mother's womb. He created me and said, "I have a purpose for you. I am going to transform you into the image of My Son. I am going to bless you with Myself for eternity. You don't know just how cool this is. You do not yet comprehend the depths, the height, & the width of My love for you, but rest in this:
Christ didn't die for you because you can; He died for you because you can't."

Christ didn't die for me because I can    [insert whatever]    ; He died for me because I can't.

Romans 5: 6-8

For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.  For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

You see, my inadequacies go far deeper than the superficial. My sin separated me from my God. And yet, He came and died, bearing my transgressions. But He conquered the grave & brought me to Himself. And now? 

He calls me child.

He calls me beloved.

He calls me friend.

Because of Christ, I am holy & blameless in the sight of God. Not because of who I am or what I can do, but because of who He is and what Christ has done on the cross. I'm a mess. But somehow He looks at this mess (which He graciously calles a 'work in progress' instead) and says, "I love you. You are precious to Me." 

I can't say I've wrapped my head around that, but even so, "awesome" seems like an understatement.

Be Still & Know

You say, “Be still, & know that I am God.”

You are God when the earth is removed.

You are God when the mountains are carried away.

You are God when the waters roar.

You are God when the mountains shake.

You will be exalted among the nations.

You will be exalted in the earth.

You say, “Be still, & know that I am God.”

You were God when I was born.

You will still be God when I die.

You will be exalted among the nations.

You will be exalted in the earth.

You say, “Be still, & know that I am God.”

You are God in times of plenty.

You are God in times of harvest.

You will be exalted among the nations.

You will be exalted in the earth.

You say, “Be still, & know that I am God.”

You are God in times of killing...whether that is the dying to self, the dying of dreams, the death of unborn babies or conflict among countries. You are still God.

And You are God in times of healing. You are Jehovah Rapha, the Healer. You heal disease. You mend relationships. You restore my soul.

You will be exalted among the nations.

You will be exalted in the earth.

You say, “Be still, & know that I am God.”

You are God in times of brokenness.

You are God in times of restoration.

You are God in times of weeping.

You are God in times of laughter.

You are God in times of mourning.

You are God in times of dancing.

You will be exalted among the nations.

You will be exalted in the earth.

You say, “Be still, & know that I am God.”

You are God in times of casting away stones.

You are God in times of gathering stones.

You are God when I’m not even sure what that means.

You are God in times of embracing.

You are God in times of refrain.

You are God in times of gain.

You are God in times of loss.

The Lord gives & the Lord takes away.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

You are God in times of keeping.

You are God in times of throwing away.

You are God in times of tearing.

You are God in times of sewing.

You are God in times of silence.

You are God in times of speech.

You are God in times of love.

You are God in times of hate.

You are God in times of war.

You are God in times of peace.

You are God regardless of how I feel.

You are God regardless of what I do.

You are God regardless of my circumstances.

You are God regardless of where I am.

You are God regardless of what people say.

You are God even in my foolish pride.

You are God when I humble myself before You.

You are God when I am distracted.

You are God when I am focused.

You are God when I am weak.

You are God when I am strong.

You are God when I am alone.

You are God when I am in community.

You are God when I am tired.

You are God when I am abounding in energy.

You are God when I am indifferent.

You are God when I am enthusiastic.

You are God when I fail.

You are God when I succeed.

You are God when I doubt.

You are God when I live by faith.

You are God.

Forever.

You are on Your throne.

The Alpha & the Omega.

The Beginning & the End.

The same yesterday, today, & forever.

He who was & is & is to come.

You will be exalted among the nations.

You will be exalted in the earth.

What have I to do but worship & adore You?

What have I to fear?

The Lord of hosts is with me.

The God of Jacob is my refuge.

A good God.

A holy God.

The one true God.

With me.

In me.

Changing me.

Loving me.

Woah.

Selah.

Inspired by Psalm 46 & Ecclesiastes 3

I Believe, Help My Unbelief

Seems contradictory, does it not?
In Mark 9, a man comes to Jesus because his son has an evil spirit that causes convulsions and often made him fall in water and fire. The man says to Jesus, "If you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us."
Jesus' response? "'If you can!' All things are possible for one who believes."
The man cries out "I believe! Help my unbelief!"
One might think that Jesus wouldn't because this man's faith is so small and seemingly fragile.
But what happens? Jesus heals the boy.

Jesus does encourage the man to have more faith. But he also honours the man's honest plea: "I believe, help my unbelief".  It is not that we are amazingly strong and faithful and therefore we deserve for Jesus to move in our lives. Jesus is amazingly strong and faithful and when we come to Him in our desperation and are honest about our struggles He will strengthen us. It is not that He always chooses to heal physically. But when we say "God, I believe but my belief is imperfect. Help!" He will.

I wasn't really intending to blog today, but it popped into my mind, so maybe I need to be reminded! In my greatest struggles, what I need to do is fall before the Lord with what little faith and strength I have and be honest about my weakness and struggles, and ask for His help.

I wrote this poem when I was accepted to Life Action but I did not have my voice back. But I knew God was able and I knew He was guiding my steps and pointing me that direction, and yet I was having trouble acting in faith and trusting Him. So the only thing I could do was acknowledge my belief, but also how frail it still is, and then say "God increase my faith!".

Do I believe You're Almighty?
Do I believe that You love me?
Do I believe that You cherish the future I can't see?
Do I believe that You will not fail to bring Your name the glory?
For if so, why do I hesitate to walk in that belief?

If I believe You're the Life, You are the Truth, and You're the Way
And I believe You are sovereign even when I am afraid,
And I believe You will honour all the promises You make,
Then there's nothing left for me to do but trust You and obey.

Do I believe You're Almighty?
Do I believe that You love me?
Do I believe that You cherish the future I can't see?
Do I believe that You will not fail to bring Your name the glory?
For if so, why do I hesitate to walk in that belief?
I believe; Lord help my unbelief!

Lord, Let Me Never Marry

Lord, let me never marry if it would be merely an idol.

Let me never marry if I would draw my husband away from You and serve only as a distraction.

Let me never marry if I would rely solely on his faith instead of walking with You intimately.

Let me never marry if we would be self-oriented instead of other-oriented.

Let me never marry if I would focus more on the temporal than the eternal.

Let me never marry if I just eye the blessing instead of worshipping the God who gave me the blessing.

Let me never marry if I can bring You more glory single. “For the unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world – how she may please her husband.”

But,

If marriage would be a sanctification process,

If we would learn to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church,

If we’d encourage one other in our walks with the Lord,

And together grow more hungry for Your Word,

If we’d laugh, love, and be quick to forgive

Then one day, married let me live.

Though let me not hurriedly long for next season,

But know that right now has a glorious reason.

Don’t let me too quick question timing or man,

But lean on You with everything that I am.

And trust in Your choosing for this I confess,

I don’t want to love him if it means loving You less.

If married, may we remain faithful and true

To marriage, but most of all, faithful to You.

So whatever this means to my life or to his

Let us lean on your strength, oh Lord always go with.

Delight me in You and delight You in me,

Let me know You and honour and glorify Thee.

Feast or Famine

In feast or in famine

When I've made hell of heaven

And when I yearn for Your embrace.

Glad tidings or goodbyes

Emotions behind my eyes

I'm leaning heavy on Your grace.

'Cause I can't do this on my own.

CHORUS

Lift up your voice on high for the glory of the Lord

Raise up your hands tonight; there is beauty in His Word

Under sunshine; under cloud

You're working in and through us now

Spirit, be bold in us for the glory of the Lord

For the glory of the Lord

In laughter, in longing

In laying my belongings down

In knowing all I am is Yours

In trials, in timing

In trusting Your designing

For You are after and before.

And I just want to know You more.

CHORUS

BRIDGE

My soul sings to You

Only by Your power and mercy

And I turn to You

For You fill all who are thirsty

And You've released me

Free to wrestle, free to learn to own my faith.

And every time I fall

Every blessing, every battle

I know You've won the war

Though at times my world is shattered

And as I turn to You

Draw me closer, Jesus mold me with Your love

Show me that You are enough.

My weakness - You're stronger

My power - You're stronger

My wisdom - You're stronger, my Lord.

All hardship - You're stronger

All heartache - You're stronger

All planning - You're stronger; You're Lord.

And I just want to know You more.

Philippians 4:11b-13

For I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.


2 Corinthians 9:9-10
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

More Than You Can Handle

22 year old American, 

living in Uganda, 

has a non-profit ministry,

single mother of 13.

The things God can do with a willing heart.
A heart that loves Jesus more than anything. A heart that's open to anything He calls her to. A heart that realizes that following His voice is not always easy because it requires you to give all of yourself, but realizes that the joy of being in God's will and bringing glory to His name is worth the sacrifices.

The 22 year old I was talking about is Katie Davis (you can read her blog at http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/ or her book "Kisses from Katie"). A person made in the image of God. Like you and I. A person God loves very much. Like you and I. A person God will do amazing things in and through as she obeys His voice. And God will do amazing things in our lives too if we will give Him all of ourselves.

I wanted to share some of my favourite quotes from the book, although I recommened reading it for yourself!

"People from my first home say I'm brave. They tell me I'm strong...But the truth is, I'm not really very brave; I am not really very strong; and I am not doing anything spectacular. I am simply doing what God has called me to do as a person who follows Him. He said to feed His sheep and He said to care for 'the least of these'" (95)

"Mediocrity & abundance, comfort and ease, do seem to be safe choices for many people, myself included. In stark contrast, leaving our possessions, following Jesus when we don't have a well-defined plan, and entertaining strangers - well, that does sound a little scary. But what if, just beyond that risk, just beyond the fear is a life better than anyhing we have every imagined: life to the fullest." (101)

"People often asked me, 'how do you do it?' The answer...is so simple: I don't. It's just a little bit of coffee and a whole lot of Jesus...these 'accomplishments,' they are so not my own." (131)

"'Remember, God will never give you more than you can handle.'
...It is meant to be a source of encouragement, and it would be if I believed it were true.
    But I don't.
I believe that God totally, absolutely, intentionally gives us more than we can handle. Because this is when we surrender to Him and He takes over, proving Himself by doing the impossible in our lives...
I have learned to accept it, even ask for it, this 'more than I can handle.' Because in these times, God shows Himself victorious. He reminds me that all of this life requires more of Him and less of me. God does give us more than we can handle. Not maliciously, but intentionally, in love, that His glory may be displayed, that we may have no doubt of who is in control, that people may see His grace & faithfulness shining through our lives. And as I surrender these situations to Him, watch Him take over & do the impossible, I am filled with joy & peace - so much more than I can handle." (135-137)

"I believe there is only one truly courageous thing we can do with our lives: to love unconditionally." (251)

The Sunny Side of Suffering

The sunny side of suffering? (aka "The Hearty Half of Hardship"... I just love alliterations)
You may think I've lost my mind! This touches on more of what I wrote in "Sufficiency" in December: That every cloud has a silver lining and that the testing of your faith develops perseverence->character->hope.

The funny thing is, I already know all these things that I'm writing today. But sometimes in a certain moment, it suddenly becomes more real to you, and you don't just know..you know. That was tonight.

People often tell me that I'm always smiling. Always happy. My name even means "cheerful"! I love that people see me this way! But I don't want it to be only a superficial emotion. I want to be real. I don't want to be happy simply because everything is pleasant and easy. I want to exude the unsquashable joy of the Lord that transcends circumstance and the peace of God which surpasses the comforts of this world.

For those of you who I don't get to see regularly, it may suprise you to know that the past few months have been a massive struggle for me. And God keeps reminding me to trust that "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever..." (Psalm 138:8)

Sometimes, I praise God and "give thanks in all circumstances"(1 Thess 5:18). Sometimes, I handle struggles very poorly.
Sometimes, I rejoice because God loves me and has a plan for me, and will make good come from bad.
Sometimes, I have cried out and questioned if I even belong to God. Because if I did, why would I go through hardship?

Hebrews 12:7-8, 10-11

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?  If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons....Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

This is where you'll really think I'm crazy: I read these verses...and I laughed. Heartily.

Not because life is easy. It often isn't. Not because I disrespect to things God wants to teach me. I don't. But because I can be so silly sometimes and forget things God has told and showed me many times before. I can trust Him. I belong to Him. I may go through hardship, but I will be refined by the fire. And God says during these times "check yourself, make sure you love Me most, focus on Me and run towards Me, don't look back, I love you, I love you, I love you."

God loves me unconditionally. (yay!!)
God has saved me (thank youuuu!)

God wants to make me more like Him. (please do)

God wants to use me to bring glory to His name. (Oh yes, Lord Jesus!)

And for that, I can laugh heartily with the joy of the Lord.

The Hiding Place

Just finished reading The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom. I don't quite know what to say. It's a great example of seeking God's face and yearning to be in the centre of His will even when difficult. To be willing to serve despite potential consequence. To love without condition. Because despite our greatest flaws and the most devastating examples of depravity...

Love is stronger. Though sometimes it's only in the hard places we can begin to comprehend the extent of that.

Favourite quotes:

"I know that the experiences of our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work He will give us to do."

"'Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you.'
And I was satisfied. More than satisfied - wonderfully at peace. There were answers to this and all my hard questions - for now I was content to leave them in my father's keeping."

"''Do you know what hurts so much? It's love. Love is the strongest force in the world, and when it is blocked that means pain. There are two things we can do when this happens. We can kill the love so that it stops hurting. But then, of course, part of us dies too. Or, Corrie, we can ask God to open up another route for that love to travel...If you ask Him, He will give you His love...Whenever we cannot love in the old, human way, Corrie, God can give us the perfect way.'
...I did not know that he had put into my hands the secret that would open far darker rooms than this - places where there was not, on a human level, anything to love at all."

“If God has shown us bad times ahead, it's enough for me that He knows about them. That's why He sometimes shows us things, you know - to tell us that this too is in His hands.”    

"There are no ifs in God's world. And no places that are safer than other places. The centre of His will is our only safety - O Corrie, let us pray that we may always know it!"

"We must tell people what we have learned here. We must tell them that there is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still. They will listen to us, Corrie, because we have been here."

Psalm 119:114

"You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in Your word."

Sufficiency

I broke down earlier this week.

It's hard when your music, your ministry, your passion and your plans get screwed up all in one foul swoop (even if temporarily). It's amazing how a couple months can really mess with you. I'm not saying I can't smile and laugh and be joyful, because I can and have...but to say I'm not struggling would be a lie.

But they say every cloud has a silver lining...

Romans 5:1-5

 Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

 And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations,

knowing that tribulation produces perseverance;

and perseverance, character;

and character, hope.

Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

I can face trials in my life one of two ways: I can turn my back on God (and miss out on the amazing things He wants to do in my life) or I can cling to Him. It's easy for me to ask "why" and to get angry with God. And yeah, He's big enough to handle it. But the better option would be to trust Him.

To trust that all bad things have the potential to be worked together for good (Romans 8:28).

To trust that He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6).

To trust that God's grace is sufficient for me (2 Corinthians 12:9).

God can use the hard times to help us see it's Him we have to rely on, and it's in Him that our identity is found.

I feel God's asking, "do you believe I'm enough for you?" and "if you believe I am enough, are you going to live out what you believe?"

Whatever it is you want that you don't have, will you be content in Christ even if those dreams never come to be realized? 

If I never sang again this side of eternity, would I know that my identity is found in Christ and be able to praise Him?

For those of us who want to get married, would we live joyously and productively for the Kingdom of God if we remained single?

If the Leafs never win the Stanley Cup again, would you know that life goes on? =P

I'm not trying to be melodramatic. I'm not at all saying that these things will never happen. I tend to believe they will!! (except maybe that last one). I'm not suggesting that we shouldn't pray for things that are important to us. We definitely should! God loves to give good gifts to His children!! But my point today is: no matter what, in good times and bad, who or what is it that you are living for? What gives you purpose? What defines you? If things are exactly how you want them to be, did you thank God for that? Do you believe God can use every circumstance to draw you to Himself and to make you more like Him?

Sufficiency

"If you never get to sing again,

If you never get to sing.

Will you still believe I'm in control of everything?

If he never comes to win your heart,

If he never comes to win.

Will you still know that you are beautiful and not because of him?

I delight in giving you good things,

All good things come from Me.

But more crucial than what you may have is who you are going to be.

This doesn't mean the sun won't come,

But it does mean you must trust

That no matter what you face in life, I'll always be enough.

If your dreams never come to be,

If they never come to be,

Will you see that I'm sufficient and still find joy in Me?

In all your days throughout this life,

None were made to waste.

Will you linger in My presence, trust My power, know My grace?

So do not turn away from Me,

I treasure you so dear.

Please learn that through these ups and downs,

I'm here, My love, I'm here.

It's not fun to see you crying,

And someday I'll wipe your tears,

But through each trial and heartache,

Draw near, My child, draw near."

Superstars and Other Musings

A few weeks ago, I went to see Taylor Swift with some lovely friends of mine. I'm not a big concert goer, but I was incredibly pumped leading up to it, thoroughly enjoyed it and would like to go again. (Dancers, aerialists, pyrotechnics, and some of the numbers were like mini-musicals, and we know how I adore musicals)
But this post isn't about Taylor Swift.

In fact, it's not even about me (though I am in parts of it).

I was in a rather peculiar mood on the drive home. I don't think my friends noticed because they were screaming songs at the top of their lungs (you guys are hilarious!). I was deep in thought. I imagine the rush of performing like that would be exceedingly high. Because goodness! The fun I have just cleaning house while dancing around and singing into a broom is already fantastic! I love music. It must be incredible to stand in front of a huge crowd and have them cheering for you.
50,000 people applauding one person. The energy in the room is crazy. But can you imagine that many people and abundantly more exalting the Creator of the universe and the Saviour of my soul? WOW!!
As I said before, I was pumped for the concert. I looked forward to it each day. I savoured each moment. I thought about it when it was over. I am probably sounding a tad obsessive.
But what if we spent every moment consumed by God?
What if...
We spent every moment exalting His name instead of lifting our soul to another?
We looked forward to spending time with Him, yearned to be with Him, lived each day to the fullest for His glory, eagerly awaited the day when we see His face?
And that's not something we'll have to be content with just reminiscing about when it's over. He never ends. His love never fails. He is enough.

If

 I came across a poem I had written a long time ago (in grade 10 if I remember correctly) Reading it reminded me once again, that as a follower of Christ we must die to our old selves - our selfishness & sinful desires and ask God to change us to be like Him. It is a challenge. Following God isn't easy and sometimes our emotions and fears pull us in directions other than living selflessly and entirely to the Lord. Christians can be full of a lot of talk, I won't deny that. But I want my life to be more than words. I want my life to truly be wholeheartedly given to God. Perhaps the poem would have been better titled "When" because God does call us to surrender our will to His and to trust Him when we face struggles that will inevitably come.

If

Could I do all that You've called me to do?

If I face struggles and hardships

Could I accept the fact that You know what you're doing?

If I face a difficult decision

Could I choose what is right over what seems easy?

If Your plans for me are not my own

Would I follow them or fight to get my own way?

If You ask me to step up,  or stand back, or speak up, or fall back on You

Could I do that?

If You ask me to say yes or urge me to say no

Could I say "ok God"?

If You ask me to give my very life

Or suffer immensely

And cling to You at all costs

Could I do that?

Could I honestly do that?

I guess the more appropriate question is

...would I?

Because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

But only if I am willing.

I've heard it said to take up your cross and follow God,

I'm sure I've said it myself before,

But saying things and going through with them

If and when the time comes 

Are sometimes contradictory

Could I follow through with what I say?

...Would I?

Because only if I would

And if I must I do

May I truly say my love for You is genuine.

Make me willing Lord

Make   me    willing