You may think I've lost my mind! This touches on more of what I wrote in "Sufficiency" in December: That every cloud has a silver lining and that the testing of your faith develops perseverence->character->hope.
The funny thing is, I already know all these things that I'm writing today. But sometimes in a certain moment, it suddenly becomes more real to you, and you don't just know..you know. That was tonight.
People often tell me that I'm always smiling. Always happy. My name even means "cheerful"! I love that people see me this way! But I don't want it to be only a superficial emotion. I want to be real. I don't want to be happy simply because everything is pleasant and easy. I want to exude the unsquashable joy of the Lord that transcends circumstance and the peace of God which surpasses the comforts of this world.
For those of you who I don't get to see regularly, it may suprise you to know that the past few months have been a massive struggle for me. And God keeps reminding me to trust that "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever..." (Psalm 138:8)
Sometimes, I praise God and "give thanks in all circumstances"(1 Thess 5:18). Sometimes, I handle struggles very poorly.
Sometimes, I rejoice because God loves me and has a plan for me, and will make good come from bad.
Sometimes, I have cried out and questioned if I even belong to God. Because if I did, why would I go through hardship?
Hebrews 12:7-8, 10-11
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons....Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
This is where you'll really think I'm crazy: I read these verses...and I laughed. Heartily.
Not because life is easy. It often isn't. Not because I disrespect to things God wants to teach me. I don't. But because I can be so silly sometimes and forget things God has told and showed me many times before. I can trust Him. I belong to Him. I may go through hardship, but I will be refined by the fire. And God says during these times "check yourself, make sure you love Me most, focus on Me and run towards Me, don't look back, I love you, I love you, I love you."
God loves me unconditionally. (yay!!)
God has saved me (thank youuuu!)
God has saved me (thank youuuu!)
God wants to make me more like Him. (please do)
God wants to use me to bring glory to His name. (Oh yes, Lord Jesus!)
And for that, I can laugh heartily with the joy of the Lord.
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