I Believe, Help My Unbelief

Seems contradictory, does it not?
In Mark 9, a man comes to Jesus because his son has an evil spirit that causes convulsions and often made him fall in water and fire. The man says to Jesus, "If you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us."
Jesus' response? "'If you can!' All things are possible for one who believes."
The man cries out "I believe! Help my unbelief!"
One might think that Jesus wouldn't because this man's faith is so small and seemingly fragile.
But what happens? Jesus heals the boy.

Jesus does encourage the man to have more faith. But he also honours the man's honest plea: "I believe, help my unbelief".  It is not that we are amazingly strong and faithful and therefore we deserve for Jesus to move in our lives. Jesus is amazingly strong and faithful and when we come to Him in our desperation and are honest about our struggles He will strengthen us. It is not that He always chooses to heal physically. But when we say "God, I believe but my belief is imperfect. Help!" He will.

I wasn't really intending to blog today, but it popped into my mind, so maybe I need to be reminded! In my greatest struggles, what I need to do is fall before the Lord with what little faith and strength I have and be honest about my weakness and struggles, and ask for His help.

I wrote this poem when I was accepted to Life Action but I did not have my voice back. But I knew God was able and I knew He was guiding my steps and pointing me that direction, and yet I was having trouble acting in faith and trusting Him. So the only thing I could do was acknowledge my belief, but also how frail it still is, and then say "God increase my faith!".

Do I believe You're Almighty?
Do I believe that You love me?
Do I believe that You cherish the future I can't see?
Do I believe that You will not fail to bring Your name the glory?
For if so, why do I hesitate to walk in that belief?

If I believe You're the Life, You are the Truth, and You're the Way
And I believe You are sovereign even when I am afraid,
And I believe You will honour all the promises You make,
Then there's nothing left for me to do but trust You and obey.

Do I believe You're Almighty?
Do I believe that You love me?
Do I believe that You cherish the future I can't see?
Do I believe that You will not fail to bring Your name the glory?
For if so, why do I hesitate to walk in that belief?
I believe; Lord help my unbelief!

Lord, Let Me Never Marry

Lord, let me never marry if it would be merely an idol.

Let me never marry if I would draw my husband away from You and serve only as a distraction.

Let me never marry if I would rely solely on his faith instead of walking with You intimately.

Let me never marry if we would be self-oriented instead of other-oriented.

Let me never marry if I would focus more on the temporal than the eternal.

Let me never marry if I just eye the blessing instead of worshipping the God who gave me the blessing.

Let me never marry if I can bring You more glory single. “For the unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world – how she may please her husband.”

But,

If marriage would be a sanctification process,

If we would learn to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church,

If we’d encourage one other in our walks with the Lord,

And together grow more hungry for Your Word,

If we’d laugh, love, and be quick to forgive

Then one day, married let me live.

Though let me not hurriedly long for next season,

But know that right now has a glorious reason.

Don’t let me too quick question timing or man,

But lean on You with everything that I am.

And trust in Your choosing for this I confess,

I don’t want to love him if it means loving You less.

If married, may we remain faithful and true

To marriage, but most of all, faithful to You.

So whatever this means to my life or to his

Let us lean on your strength, oh Lord always go with.

Delight me in You and delight You in me,

Let me know You and honour and glorify Thee.

Feast or Famine

In feast or in famine

When I've made hell of heaven

And when I yearn for Your embrace.

Glad tidings or goodbyes

Emotions behind my eyes

I'm leaning heavy on Your grace.

'Cause I can't do this on my own.

CHORUS

Lift up your voice on high for the glory of the Lord

Raise up your hands tonight; there is beauty in His Word

Under sunshine; under cloud

You're working in and through us now

Spirit, be bold in us for the glory of the Lord

For the glory of the Lord

In laughter, in longing

In laying my belongings down

In knowing all I am is Yours

In trials, in timing

In trusting Your designing

For You are after and before.

And I just want to know You more.

CHORUS

BRIDGE

My soul sings to You

Only by Your power and mercy

And I turn to You

For You fill all who are thirsty

And You've released me

Free to wrestle, free to learn to own my faith.

And every time I fall

Every blessing, every battle

I know You've won the war

Though at times my world is shattered

And as I turn to You

Draw me closer, Jesus mold me with Your love

Show me that You are enough.

My weakness - You're stronger

My power - You're stronger

My wisdom - You're stronger, my Lord.

All hardship - You're stronger

All heartache - You're stronger

All planning - You're stronger; You're Lord.

And I just want to know You more.

Philippians 4:11b-13

For I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.


2 Corinthians 9:9-10
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

More Than You Can Handle

22 year old American, 

living in Uganda, 

has a non-profit ministry,

single mother of 13.

The things God can do with a willing heart.
A heart that loves Jesus more than anything. A heart that's open to anything He calls her to. A heart that realizes that following His voice is not always easy because it requires you to give all of yourself, but realizes that the joy of being in God's will and bringing glory to His name is worth the sacrifices.

The 22 year old I was talking about is Katie Davis (you can read her blog at http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/ or her book "Kisses from Katie"). A person made in the image of God. Like you and I. A person God loves very much. Like you and I. A person God will do amazing things in and through as she obeys His voice. And God will do amazing things in our lives too if we will give Him all of ourselves.

I wanted to share some of my favourite quotes from the book, although I recommened reading it for yourself!

"People from my first home say I'm brave. They tell me I'm strong...But the truth is, I'm not really very brave; I am not really very strong; and I am not doing anything spectacular. I am simply doing what God has called me to do as a person who follows Him. He said to feed His sheep and He said to care for 'the least of these'" (95)

"Mediocrity & abundance, comfort and ease, do seem to be safe choices for many people, myself included. In stark contrast, leaving our possessions, following Jesus when we don't have a well-defined plan, and entertaining strangers - well, that does sound a little scary. But what if, just beyond that risk, just beyond the fear is a life better than anyhing we have every imagined: life to the fullest." (101)

"People often asked me, 'how do you do it?' The answer...is so simple: I don't. It's just a little bit of coffee and a whole lot of Jesus...these 'accomplishments,' they are so not my own." (131)

"'Remember, God will never give you more than you can handle.'
...It is meant to be a source of encouragement, and it would be if I believed it were true.
    But I don't.
I believe that God totally, absolutely, intentionally gives us more than we can handle. Because this is when we surrender to Him and He takes over, proving Himself by doing the impossible in our lives...
I have learned to accept it, even ask for it, this 'more than I can handle.' Because in these times, God shows Himself victorious. He reminds me that all of this life requires more of Him and less of me. God does give us more than we can handle. Not maliciously, but intentionally, in love, that His glory may be displayed, that we may have no doubt of who is in control, that people may see His grace & faithfulness shining through our lives. And as I surrender these situations to Him, watch Him take over & do the impossible, I am filled with joy & peace - so much more than I can handle." (135-137)

"I believe there is only one truly courageous thing we can do with our lives: to love unconditionally." (251)

The Sunny Side of Suffering

The sunny side of suffering? (aka "The Hearty Half of Hardship"... I just love alliterations)
You may think I've lost my mind! This touches on more of what I wrote in "Sufficiency" in December: That every cloud has a silver lining and that the testing of your faith develops perseverence->character->hope.

The funny thing is, I already know all these things that I'm writing today. But sometimes in a certain moment, it suddenly becomes more real to you, and you don't just know..you know. That was tonight.

People often tell me that I'm always smiling. Always happy. My name even means "cheerful"! I love that people see me this way! But I don't want it to be only a superficial emotion. I want to be real. I don't want to be happy simply because everything is pleasant and easy. I want to exude the unsquashable joy of the Lord that transcends circumstance and the peace of God which surpasses the comforts of this world.

For those of you who I don't get to see regularly, it may suprise you to know that the past few months have been a massive struggle for me. And God keeps reminding me to trust that "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever..." (Psalm 138:8)

Sometimes, I praise God and "give thanks in all circumstances"(1 Thess 5:18). Sometimes, I handle struggles very poorly.
Sometimes, I rejoice because God loves me and has a plan for me, and will make good come from bad.
Sometimes, I have cried out and questioned if I even belong to God. Because if I did, why would I go through hardship?

Hebrews 12:7-8, 10-11

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?  If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons....Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

This is where you'll really think I'm crazy: I read these verses...and I laughed. Heartily.

Not because life is easy. It often isn't. Not because I disrespect to things God wants to teach me. I don't. But because I can be so silly sometimes and forget things God has told and showed me many times before. I can trust Him. I belong to Him. I may go through hardship, but I will be refined by the fire. And God says during these times "check yourself, make sure you love Me most, focus on Me and run towards Me, don't look back, I love you, I love you, I love you."

God loves me unconditionally. (yay!!)
God has saved me (thank youuuu!)

God wants to make me more like Him. (please do)

God wants to use me to bring glory to His name. (Oh yes, Lord Jesus!)

And for that, I can laugh heartily with the joy of the Lord.

The Hiding Place

Just finished reading The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom. I don't quite know what to say. It's a great example of seeking God's face and yearning to be in the centre of His will even when difficult. To be willing to serve despite potential consequence. To love without condition. Because despite our greatest flaws and the most devastating examples of depravity...

Love is stronger. Though sometimes it's only in the hard places we can begin to comprehend the extent of that.

Favourite quotes:

"I know that the experiences of our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work He will give us to do."

"'Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you.'
And I was satisfied. More than satisfied - wonderfully at peace. There were answers to this and all my hard questions - for now I was content to leave them in my father's keeping."

"''Do you know what hurts so much? It's love. Love is the strongest force in the world, and when it is blocked that means pain. There are two things we can do when this happens. We can kill the love so that it stops hurting. But then, of course, part of us dies too. Or, Corrie, we can ask God to open up another route for that love to travel...If you ask Him, He will give you His love...Whenever we cannot love in the old, human way, Corrie, God can give us the perfect way.'
...I did not know that he had put into my hands the secret that would open far darker rooms than this - places where there was not, on a human level, anything to love at all."

“If God has shown us bad times ahead, it's enough for me that He knows about them. That's why He sometimes shows us things, you know - to tell us that this too is in His hands.”    

"There are no ifs in God's world. And no places that are safer than other places. The centre of His will is our only safety - O Corrie, let us pray that we may always know it!"

"We must tell people what we have learned here. We must tell them that there is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still. They will listen to us, Corrie, because we have been here."

Psalm 119:114

"You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in Your word."